What I Miss (August 10, 2006)

People often ask me what I miss most about the U.S. The things I miss are kind of weird, and some of these things I don't even miss unless I have a strange (day)dream or zone out during work. For example, in terms of food I do miss access to lots of soy/vegetarian food options, and I miss strawberries. I don't actually miss physical things so much, but I do miss my friends and family, and I miss good coffee/cafes and the conversations that come with them. I miss the geniality of knowing an area and having a place to kick it that isn't oriented around alcohol or church. And sometimes when I'm asleep I miss places, like the midwest. Totally weird since I have not really spent a considerable amount of time in any midwestern-y area. The other places I miss include the Bay Area, D.C., and New York City. Talk about totally random cravings.

And all this missing doesn't mean that I don't like or appreciate what's out here. I love the fact that I can buy a slice of pineapple on the side of the street. I can make friends with the shopowners of the places I go to frequently. I can just stop by and say hello to people; I don't have to schedule a special appointment or call and make sure way in advance that they're free. Social life is a bit more laid back. People are friendly, and life is pretty sweet.

Anytime the missing gets to big I have to travel or start a new project. Otherwise it's too overwhelming. I don't know if it will subside over time, and I don't know if I want it to. It's weird, sometimes I feel very much at home, but other times I realize that no, I'm not at home and this is not my country and I can't pretend that just ecause I'm an American working here that I'm not an American (with all the labels and privileges that come attached). It's so easy to be idyllic and get lost in everything, but when I think about it it's jarring. Like I'm playing a game or a role in an alternate universe where I'm not responsible for anything but get to take a lot. It seems wrong on many levels, but I'm not really sure if I should try to ameliorate the unease or if it's good that it's consistently there.